end of days … well, 2009 at least
(Cross-posted at the Book of Faces)
The setup remains the same as last year: 12 thoughts about the year that is drawing to a close, but not necessarily in chronological order. The goal is not to account for the year in narrative detail, but to draw attention to those moments that mattered most this year, for good or ill. (Mostly ill, in my case but that’s because I am who I am.)
1) I was involved, in detail, with the appointments committee this year. A fantastic learning experience! Immensely useful for when I hit the job market in a number (two?) of years. Not just the bureaucratic side of things, but a rhetorical learning experience as well: the job talk & the interview & the grad student lunch are all rhetorical moments: pitching yourself to an audience of potential colleagues and students. It looks intimidating at this distance, but I think all of our interviewees acquitted themselves well. Having said that, welcome aboard again Jim, and I look forward to being in at least one of your courses before I move into ABD status (Fall 2010, with any luck).
2) So … in my last Year in Review (2008, for those keeping score at home), I mentioned certain essential life goals that had not yet been fulfilled at the time, and which I felt were unlikely to be met by the time of my 30th next year. I have taken action on that front and those goals have been met several times over. The point is not that these particular goals were met, but that I recognized the fact that I couldn’t just wait for these goals to be fulfilled by the fickle finger of fate. So … being proactive can work. I guess. It’s still not something that comes natural to me, but, as always, I’m learning.
3) As many of you know, I had to put my cat Schnickelfritz to sleep earlier this year. I don’t feel quite as awful as I did for the first few days after, but every once in a while I find myself thinking I catch him walking down the hall or laying on a bed, only to realize its one of the other cats. I mean, I don’t get to the point where I believe its actually him, but I find that for just a second I could say “Hey, Boo” only to realize that, no, it is not my Boo nor will it ever be my Boo again.
4) I presented at my first CCCCs this year. San Francisco was nice, but I’m not enthralled by the notion of cities that have so many damn hills. Why weren’t all the places we wanted to visit *downhill* from the hotel?!?!? And, friends, you are sorely mistaken if you think I am eating so much Chinese food when we go to the 4Cs again next year. Anyway: I made an ass of myself around Nonny Mouse at the conference. The SNAFU with her still weighs heavily on my heart, but at times I can see myself being ready to write her off. But I don’t want to, all the same, because she’s written me off and I don’t want to end up doing the same to her. Hrm. This will continue to be a thorn in my side for the foreseeable future.
5) As long as conferences are on my mind: I got into C&W for this year, but ended up having to scuttle my appearance there due to cost & SCT obligations. I did get a very complimentary comment from a colleague about my (aborted) paper title though, which she encouraged me to preserve for a future project. I’ve also been accepted, with a whole passel of peeps, to RSA for next year. w00t! It looks like I should be okay for another year when funding renewal letters come due.
6) What was *up* with that meerkat thing?
7) It would be remiss of me not to mention this, but it’s the first time I’ve been so open about it so I feel kind of awkward addressing it. I met and lost my first boyfriend this year. We weren’t together very long (six months, for those of you who have a bizarre obsession with trivial details), and I admit my own anxieties about the relationship were probably the root of a lot of the conflict between us. That, and, in retrospect, maybe he and I were not so well suited to one another as I would have liked. But, alas. This is the kind of thing one learns along the way, I suppose.
SCT! Ithaca! Carl freaking Schmitt! Although at times I felt a bit disengaged from some of my literary colleagues at SCT, the theoretical work there really engaged me and has given me many new avenues for pursuing work within rhetorical studies. Much thanks to the Wayne State English Dept for sponsoring my participation, and much thanks to the SCT staff and faculty, as well as my SCT peers, for making this summer a great one.
9) I didn’t think it possible, but I think I’ve seen even fewer movies this year than last. Of course, this year didn’t have anything like *The Dark Knight,* which galvanized me for the better half of the year last year, before I even saw it. At the moment, the two standouts from the few I have seen this year would be *Star Trek* and *Up.* *Watchmen* was … meh. I miss seeing more films, but at the same time, I don’t really feel like I need to see them the same way I used to. More than anything, I guess I see the steep drop in my filmgoing as evidence of the fact that I’m (gasp!) moving into “official” adulthood, with responsibilities and a profession and all that jazz. WTF?!?!? … On a similar note, I’ve not heard much new music this year, but I’ve fallen madly in love with Lady GaGa. She can do no wrong with me so far. The hip-hop experiment lanuched this fall is still continuing, and for the most part I’ve liked everything my friends and colleagues recommended. And I’ve discovered, much to my admitted surprise, that I really like Jay-Z. Who knew?
10) This semester’s teaching has seemed much less of a burden than the original 3010 syllabus did. I’ve got one class in particular that is a really great collection of students: they do strong work on their projects and have thoughtful, detailed responses to the issues I’m asking them to think through. We have very good camaraderie together and it is always a pleasure to come to class and work with them. Thanks bunches, guys. You won’t get a chance to read this, I imagine, but you kind of saved teaching for me. Seriously.
11) So, there’s this guy I just met. I don’t want to say too much. He touched my neck in a cafe. I could be very happy if things go well. I feel much more comfortable being with him in general than I did with SM from #7 above. More importantly, I feel more comfortable with *myself* with this guy than I did with SM. (Which, admittedly, is more about me than SM).
12) All in all, I feel like 2008 has been an okay year. I’d give it a B- at this point (understanding that maybe that grading this year is a little premature). The rough things that have happened have been more or less balanced out by the good things that have happened. I mean, granted, losing Boo does weigh heavily on the grading scale for the year, and breaking up with SM was rough but I think I’ve come out relatively unscathed on the other side. I have a report from a reliable source that I’ve been described as seeming “more vital” lately (or something to that effect). That seems like an able way to describe how I feel.
13) As before, one to grow on (looking ahead to the coming year): I’m pleased that I’ve been able to befriend at least a couple of the new GTAs in the dept. I want to continue building on those friendships and offering advice and support where I can. I need to lighten up and take myself less seriously, perhaps. I’ve been unpleasant to many people too often this year for reasons that more often than not had little to do with those people–and if you’re one of the persons concerned, please accept again (or for the first time) my apologies.
i … uh … ut … buh … enh
From the “If I’m Lyin’, I’m Dyin’” file:
Teh wordz. Dey fail mees.
ohhh-oh, those summer nights
News of my summer blogging gig has hit the Blogora.
The drive into Ithaca took about 9 hours, all told. Yes, I got lost a couple of time, but here I am at Cornell, safe and sound. I passed two Mennonite boys (or Amish or whatever they are round these parts) and one buggy on the drive in. Otherwise, the drive was fairly uneventful. Except for the whole getting randomly pulled aside and searched at the border crossing back in to these United States, that is. Ah well. Doing my part for democracy.
The plan is to post scholarly responses on the Blogora. I’ll link to those posts from here, but most of the SCT blogs here at FoolScap will be about life in Ithaca. Like, for instance: why oh why did I not essentially look for a room inside White Hall? Oh well.
Nearly collided with Amanda Anderson at the welcoming picnic. Hrm. Off to a typical start.
i’m a termite
morning in america
These people have no shame. Do mean things to them as you please. Via Wonkette:
This would almost be funny if it didn’t make me want to be violent.
a popular misconception
This actually does a fairly good job explaining how I’ve been feeling lately:
"Misunderstanding" by Steve Burke
real life twitter
This makes perfect sense to me now.
all this hassle
So, I was headed to the official campus B&N in order to gossip about my latest peccadilloes with a friend and colleague, and I noticed something in the bookstore window that kind of set me off: a number of tee shirts emblazoned with the legend “All This Hassle for a Tassel,” then marking the graduation year of 2009.
I think the sentiment expressed in awful enough: for one thing, while it is true and problematic that university life is bound by bureaucracy at many levels, and while it is true that university study is often stressful and frustrating, I think it is immensely inappropriate for the university’s Board of Governors (or whoever is in charge of licensing the use of university insignia) to allow university images to be associated with that sentiment. The university should not be in the business of encouraging students to think of its rules, structures, and guidelines as a hassle.
I think the other part of the phrase (the tassel) is equally egregious, if not moreso. What this little rhyme does is suggest thatthe end product of a university education is nothing more than signifier of having completed four years of hassle and frustration. In a university like my own, which has struggled for many years with low retention rates, an equation between education and a hassle is ethically unconscionable, at least to the extent that our (much-touted) Urban Mission charges us with the work of reaching out to and assisting those students at the greatest risk of falling prey to the “all this hassle” mindset. Moreover, I believe this is also part and parcel of the trend toward vocationalization of the university, which is a problem I’m still very much invested in working through at the theoretical and pedagogical levels.
Grr! All this dirt for a shirt.
go … the frak … away
That is my message to these people.
Best thing about this ad is that their org’s name abbreviates to NOM. As seen below:
Not the original, but can't find it. Anyway.
may as well die
… Cause I will never know happiness as pure and undiluted as I that given to me by the following: